Today has just started as one of those days. I got up, got my chapter done, and in a short 21 verse chapter i just could not stay awake. It took me quite a bit longer than it should have. Afterwards i immediately went back to bed and crashed… hard. This project can be a real struggle sometimes. I love it, and i love doing it, but on days like today i just want to quit. I wonder if it’s really worth getting up two hours early to get the chapter copied over and the post written?
Add to that the fact that i am a man in my early 30’s and i feel like i have accomplished nothing in my life. That’s at least a third of my life gone, with what feels like nothing to show for it.
Then i look at this passage, and i wonder. Joseph was a man who did what God called him to do. He put all this work, time, and effort into being the man of God that was needed for the time. God spent all that time prepping him, and he worked so hard for Pharaoh. He perhaps single handedly (with God’s direction) saved the lands of Egypt and Canaan from a major drought that would have left the land barren and the people starved to death.
He did all this, and “(n)ow a new king arose over Egypt, who did not know Joseph.” This new king owed everything he owned to Joseph, but that didn’t matter. Joseph struggled, worked, and toiled all his life, helped Egypt to grow in prosperity and strength, and it doesn’t matter. The king saw all of the Israelites in the land and decided that that was going to be his target. Joseph’s work and all that he did didn’t mean a thing to this Pharaoh.
I struggle with this because, if all that Joseph did ceases to matter, and he, with God’s direction, did some amazing things, how much more I. Do i even matter? Does anything that i could accomplish really matter? I’ve gotten this far into my life, and it feels like i have accomplished little of real value, but even if i did, does it really matter? Fifty years after my death, will anyone even remember me or what i have done? If they do, will they even care?
P.S. I know, i know. Many of you will point out that what Joseph did did matter. After all, we know Joseph’s story, and it was all a part of God’s much bigger plan. Also some will say that it’s not about our credit here, but we are storing up treasures in heaven… I understand these concepts and more, but there are times when the facts get buried in how we feel. And that’s where i’m at today.